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To all my southern ladies…………
What’s the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Redneck zoo?
On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin.
A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.
REDNECK LOVE POEM…………
Collards is green, my dog’s name is Blue
And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like corn silk a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales but I luv you anyway.
Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry jist a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff” right out of the can.
You have some’a yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we’re in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
Well, I’m in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape, yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles and fix what you can.
Yo’re as cute as a junebug a-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like those far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.
Yore complexion, it’s perfection, like the best vinyl sidin’.
Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin’.
Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
We go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it’s romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day
From the cooler at Kroger. That’s impressive,” I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,” they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these won’t do.
Cause yor’e too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds……IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTOR!!

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