If part of your rite includes throwing shotgun shells on the fire. If the bell on your altar was ever worn by an animal in a pasture.
If the cakes and wine are done with a bowie-knife,a can of Lone Star’s, and a twinkie.
If they chose their High Priestess at a wet t-shirt contest.
If when your priestess says”Blessed Be”in circle, you respond with “YEEE-HAW!”
If you bought your chalice at the Piggly Wiggly.
If you buy your incense and candles at Wal-Mart.
If you call the God and Goddess by hollerin’ “Hey, y’all! Watch me!”
Iif you can play the “Burning Times” on the banjo.
If you carry your ritual sword in your pickup’s gun rack.
If you found out your familiar is an opossum-and still ate it.
If you have combined Maypole Dancing/ Tractor Pull/ Turkey Shoot for Beltane.
If you have cast a love spell on livestock.
If you have ever called the National Enquirer because you raised a potato that resembled the Willendorf Goddess.
If you’ve ever cancelled a coven meeting to watch Pay-Per-View wrestling on TV.
If you’ve ever written a spell on the back of a Denny’s menu.
If you have ever refilled your chalice from a keg.
If you sacrifice BBQ and pork rinds on an altar made of old car hoods.
If you shoot guns into the air when the priestess says,”the circle is open but never unbroken”.
If you think a “family tradition” is a dating club.
If you’ve ever done a candle spell for your local high-school football team.
If you’ve ever meditated to “Dueling Banjos”.
If you’ve reached the 3rd Degree but not the third grade.
If your God statue looks a little too much like Elvis.
If your Goddess picture says “Miss September”at the bottom.
If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod.
If your altar cloth says”Holiday Inn”or”Howard Johnson’s”.
If your ceremonial chalice says”Budweiser”on it.
If your ceremonial garb consists of cut-offs and a tube-top.
If your circle dance contains the words”dosey-do”.
If your coven chose its High Priest at a belching contest.
If your coven’s secret names for the God and Goddess are “Cooter”and”Sweet Cheeks”.
If your coven-stead is propped up on cinder blocks.
If your craft name starts with “Bubba”.
If your favorite Great Rite partner is your first, second, and third cousin.
If your backyard ritual libation is brewed in an illegal backyard still.
If your ritual music has ever included Johnny Cash singing “Ring of Fire”.
If your robes are made out of denim with Harley Davidson patches.
WHY,YOU MUST JES’ Gotta BE A PAGAN REDNECK!