You might be a Redneck if …

• After removing the empty beer cans from your car, you find you get fifteen more miles to the gallon.
• Directions to your house include “turn off the paved road”.
• Going to the bathroom in the of middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight.
• People are scared to touch your bathrobe.
• People hunt in your front yard.
• The neighbors have ever asked to borrow a light bulb.
• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
• You’ve ever been fired from a construction job due to your appearance.
• You’ve lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
• You’ve lost your wife in a poker game.
• You’ve shot someone over a mall parking space.
• You’ve stolen clothes from a scarecrow.
• You’ve vacationed in a rest area.
• You’ve worn a tube top to a wedding.
• You actually know what kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
• You are allowed to bring your dog to work.
• You can burp the entire chorus of “Jingle Bells”.
• You can take your bra off while driving.
• You come back from the dump with more than you took to it.
• You give away more free puppies than the Humane Society.
• You have a rag for a gas cap.
• You have more than 10 ceramic statue in your front yard.
• You have to take the entire day off to get your teeth cleaned.
• You hold a frog and it worries about getting warts.
• You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.
• You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
• You refer to the fifth grade as “my senior year”.
• You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
• You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree at the corner.
• You think paprika is a third-world country.
• You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.
• Your belt buckle is bigger than your head.
• Your bicycle has a gun rack.
• Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
• Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
• Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
• Your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.
• Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
• Your screen door has no screen.
• Your talent in the local beauty pageant was making noises with your armpit.
• Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
• Your wife has a set of earrings that you use as a fishing lure.
• Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.