Are You A Redneck When Everyone In Your Neck Of The Woods Has The Same Last Name And The Family Tree?

You might be a redneck if…
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You’ve ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
Your home has more miles on it than your car

Well, I’m a Mountaineer…so I guess I’ll field this one. The WV Code of Ethics mandates that kin-folk should recieve a minimum of one gift ‘per relation’. Now this only applies to non-specific gift giving occasions. For instance, on Mother’s Day, I only get my sister one gift, not two. However, on her birthday, she will receive two…one for being my mother, the other for being my sister. The ‘Code’ doesn’t cover gift giving guidelines for in-laws….so giving her presents as my sister-in-law is optional.

Rednecks have spaces where a tooth should be, use bad grammar, and never buy presents. Sometimes, they make a gift out of an old tire iron.

Hea hea! My fambly tree don’t have NO branches!
.

That sure helps make you a redneck, but other factors are involved too.
You really need to give your uncle a present from his son as well as from his nephew,,,and your father a present from his son as well as from his nephew,,so it looks as if you’ll need to but four presents, not two.
Did you say how many twigs were on that solitary branch?

You could all be seeks, last name of Sing

There are no neck of the woods when there’s only one tree.
You watch too much Springer.