Have a cat, but don’t have the extra cash laying around to transport him to the Nascar race? That’s okay, I would like to introduce you to the “Redneck Cat Carrier”. This is free with the purchase of a 30 pack of Busch beer. Yeehaw!
Free Redneck Cat Carrier
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Not sure that you would not recognize a real redneck when you saw or talked to one? Maybe you yourself, are a redneck? Print out this little cheat-sheet and keep it in your wallet. It will definately help you identify a redneck:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. “Vacation” means going to the family reunion.
3. You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in minutes.
5. You know several people who have hit a deer.
6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
8. You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
9. You think ethanol makes your truck “run a lot better.”
10. Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.
11. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
12. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
13. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
14. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
16. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
17. You carry jumper cables in your car.
18. You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe hunting” are.
19. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
20. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
21. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
22. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
23. You find 90 degrees F “a little warm.”
24. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, Summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
25. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
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In the melodic wake of the three operatic tenors comes a new breed of tenors from more humble origins…3 Redneck Tenors - A New Musical Adventure. The musical comedy featuring classically trained veteran artists from Broadway and world opera stages is like Greater Tuna meets Das Barbecu - down home laughs with big city music! Written by opera-veteran Matthew Lord with music arranged by Craig Bohmler, 3 Redneck Tenors features a cast of veteran opera and Broadway stars including John Wilkerson, Alex Bumpas, Matthew Lord and Dinny McGuire.
Our story starts in a far away land called Paris, that’s right Paris, Texas. Not so very long ago there was these three young, slim, good lookin’ fine song bird-like singin’ boys named Billy Bob, Billy Joe and Billy Billee. Okay, maybe not so young, slim and good lookin’ but, whoa doggy, can they sing!
One day while sing’n in front of their mobile music studio (that’s showbiz talk for trailer). They were discovered by a shrewd city slicker agent by the name of, well let’s just call him…the Colonel. To make a long story short, this is a tale about the Colonel’s search for the perfect venue (that’s French for place) and style for our boys to shine like the afternoon sun on a bald man’s head (no offense to you folically challenged out there). Well, that’s the long and short of it. It’s basically a foot stompin’, knee slapin’ uproariously funny musical redneck romp, with the tunes of Elvis to Puccini, Country to Opera (C’opera if you will), from Paris Texas all the way to their triumphant debut at New York City’s famous Carn-iggy Hall.
Visit their site for more info at 3 Redneck Tenors
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My blodge didn’t even recognize me…
Rodney Carrington Pickup Truck Lyrics:
im gettin married to my pickup truck
it doesn’t leave me when im down on my luck
it doesn’t shop at fancy stores or have a lawyer
or want a divorce
it doesn’t care if I stay out late
it doesn’t bitch about the money i make
we’ll be together till the end
it won’t sleep with my best friend
im gonna get down on one knee
and ask my truck if it’ll marry me
i’ll never drive another car
we’ll honeymoon at the titty bar
we’re gonna have the time of our life
the exhaust pipes are tighter than my Ex-wife
you think im crazy, but listen to this
i can bring home a hooker and
it won’t get pissed no
wedding ring won’t cost me a buck
when I get married to my pickup
pickup truck
And since tomorrow’s Monday, my birthday, I’m thinkin’ about trying to pull off the following:
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